Top 9 Things Everyone Should Know About Life

Introduction:

There's one thing I'm 100% sure about when we talk about love one can never be sure  I am talking about ten things that you need to know about love I got all these ideas by reading a lot of books lately particularly books by bell hooks two books by her that I recommend are all about love and the will to change both of these books will shape your ideas on love in a patriarchal society very well and both men and women are going to enjoy these book.

About Author:

 I think Bell Hooks is one of those authors who might love to read because she teaches you how to perceive men how they have been victims of the patriarchal construct construct and how we can understand men better because most of the times in current society we are always struggling against patriarchy in a way that kind of enders us incapable of loving men as much as we want to but that should really really be not the case also men have been like emotionally suppressed for like centuries right now so it's extremely difficult for them as well to embrace the emotions and balance books if you happen to read them they will increase you to embrace all your emotions especially the ones that you're more scared.

1st Thing

You need to know about love is that everyone wants to be loved yes even the person who says that I don't need anyone to love me I have Netflix and I can chill with it nope even that person wants to be loved and the thing is the generation that we live in the culture that we live in is very very dysfunctional Diane Ackerman writes as a society we are embarrassed by now we treat it as if it were an obscenity we reluctantly admit to it even saying the word makes us stumble and blush love is the most important thing a passion for which we would fight or die and yet we are reluctant to linger it over its names without a supple vocabulary we can't even talk or think about it directly so the thing is as important as love is we just don't talk about it as much. 

2nd Thing

You need to know about love our generation is extremely effed up when it comes to love and cynicism is there more - the thing is the majority of our generation and the culture encourages us to be emotionless to not face eye motions as much to keep it casual we are constantly looking for something deep and intimate without looking for the risks we don't want the risks but we want the pleasure but that's just not how Love Happens Harold Kushner writes this and I love this ok I am afraid that we may be raising a generation of young people who will grow up afraid to love afraid to give themselves completely completely to another person because they will have seen how much it hurts to take the risk of loving and have it not work out I am afraid that they will grow up looking for intimacy without risk for pleasure without significant emotional investment they will be so fearful of the pain of disappointment that they will forego the possibilities of love and joy young people are cynical about love but cynicism is actually like a mask for the disappointment of the heart so you understand you must be disappointed that has led you to this cynicism but really there is so much joy only if you are willing to take a few lists it's normal to absorb the culture around us but it's also important to reflect on it sometimes and consider is this really what you want.

3rd Thing

 You should know about love is that you should be yourself don't change yourself completely just because the person you like doesn't like you the way you are or you're probably not that type you will find someone who loves you exactly as who you are and while there must be room for you to grow even in a relationship it should not change your basic nature so just because your crush likes to eat really amazing food and you can only make Maggie doesn't mean that not compatible make sure that you don't take your qualities and skills beyond this emotion sure that you don't weigh qualities traits and characteristics with emotions because at the end of the day anyone can have any set of qualities but emotions they are never the same in two places and that is what is so important.

4th Thing

You need to know about love is that love is never enough there's a lot of components that go into a relationship to make it work and I've been someone who has been in different relationships for like 7 years of my life so I know this very well there are so many components that go into a relationship and even then it can probably not work out and that's okay so the components that Bell Hooks talks about are care affection trust respect honesty communication and commitment for me I guess the most important is honesty this is where we feel the most I guess because sometimes the lies are just easier but as Bell Hooks herself writes lies may make one feel better but they do not help one know about love.

5th Thing

Next thing will be that love is always struggling in this societal construct of patriarchy struggling against gender stereotypes of pressure and exploitation and it's really really hard to be happy in this societal structure however some people dare to be happy in it and don't you think that's amazing so the thing is from our childhood we develop our ideas about love and romance from our childhood itself we develop ideas of love primarily from our parents how they treat us and how they treat each other and since most families are dysfunctional and we hate to admit it we also form some dysfunctional ideas about love and one of the primary ones is that no one is going to love you the way you are sometimes parents are going to compare you with other people and it's gonna make you think that you're not enough sometimes friends are gonna make other friends and that's gonna make you think that maybe you were not enough.

 Sometimes and especially during your initial relationships your significant other or your crush is going to prefer someone else over you and constantly gonna develop this idea that you are not enough so a lot of people take on a different personality they show different things from who they really are and Belloc's writes amazingly and this part many seekers after love are taught in childhood to feel unworthy that nobody could love them as they really are and they construct a false self in adults life they meet people who fall in love with their false self and I guess I relate so much because I think to some extent even I constructed a false self of myself when it came to romantic relationships but this love does not last at some point glimpses of the real self emerge and disappointment comes rejected by their chosen love the message received in childhood is confirmed nobody could love them as they really are for those of you who did not understand this it says that a child is growing up and they form an idea that they need to put on a false self in order to be loved they put on that false self because they think that they are not going to be loved if they are their true selves so someone falls in love with the false self and eventually the false self is exposed and now this partner doesn't like it because they are obviously feeling tricked and fooled and they probably leave them so now this person's idea is confirmed that no one can love them as they really are and this is so true but what is important is this if someone really loves you they will love you the way you are so don't don't put on a false self if you're looking for true love.


6th Thing 

You need to know when it comes to love is the five love languages so it really calls for a whole different video but there are five love languages that is ways how people express love the four formation physical touch sieving gifts quality time and acts of service now the thing is a lot of people just do two or three of these things but there are people who do all of them or there are people who just have like one love language it really depends on you to figure out your own love language and your partners and the more you understand each other the more you will be able to work out a proper relationship if you want to go in one now the thing is when it comes to the five love languages most people don't understand they don't understand how the other person loves so there are people who are very vocal about that and there are people who just don't say anything and while it's ok for both of them.

 If the other doesn't understand that it's their personal characteristic they are going to feel like they don't love them enough and that is where the problem arises so understanding is very important and the love languages really help the next thing you need to know about love is abuse and love can never coexist problem is that Bollywood and patriarchal culture makes us think that if someone loves us they will be controlling us and that is okay it is okay to abuse someone out of love be it emotional physical etc and there are so many women who grow up with these ideas in their patriarchal homes and move on to patriarchal relationships and the thing is they end up in very unhappy relationships the problem is that abuse is the opposite of care and love means caring so how can abuse exist in our relationship when love is present and here Bell Hooks writes pretty amazingly a lot of people in their childhood receive abuse from their parents and they know that their parents love them. 

When they read that abuse and love can't coexist they think that this means the parents never love them and this idea is so scary that they reject it and they cling on to their childhood ideas that abuse is okay when it comes to love and even I have been someone who tree worked with these ideas however like all of us have the ability to reject the things that we have grown up with or just continue living with them it doesn't mean that your parents don't love you it probably they don't didn't know any better how to express their love sometimes I know that parents do it just to make you better however it is just not right and while they probably didn't have a choice we do and we can create a better society if only we know how to which is why it's really important to recognize abuse from love.

7th Thing

 Next think is that love is more about actions and less about words now this doesn't mean that just because someone doesn't say that they love you they do what doesn't express interest to you and you please don't think that they are playing hard-to-get most of the times they are just not interested in you and you are really fooling yourself but if someone is all about telling you how much they love you and then the actions just suggest otherwise and make you feel otherwise all the time it's probably not love anyone can say anything but not everyone can do everything for you and if someone can maybe that someone is pretty special.

8th Thing

 Next thing was one of the best thing that this book made me realize and it is that self love is not equal to romantic love for the longest time I get hated myself and I hated that even more because people used to say stuff like people can never love you if you don't love yourself and it was kind of convincing then later on I realized why am I not worth being loved just because I haven't gotten there first I am still worthy of being loved right and same for you just because you have not gone through the journey of loving yourself maybe you do not love yourself doesn't mean that no one else can you are worthy of love self-love and romantic love are not equal you can have romantic love that is a partner who loves you without loving yourself and so most of the times this partner is going to help you on this journey other times you don't have romantic partner but you do have self-love and both of them aren't very important on their own most people need both in their life however just because you don't have one doesn't mean that your life is any less our you are any less or you are not worth anything more so this is an idea that I really developed from this book because yeah yes it really sounded convincing that no one can love you until you love yourself however people can love you even if you don't love yourself.

 

9th Thing 

Next thing is that when love comes you will know there's got to be something that's got a change in yourself and I can really never never explain what it is but you will know I know this for sure now sometimes love works out love sometimes love doesn't however it is extremely important to keep growing and just living life.

So if you don't agree with some of it it's cool it's amazing please let me know about your perceptions of love in the comment section below. Maybe you should read the books all about love also make sure that you let me know if you have read other books by Bell Hooks because I love them so much.

Coinclusion;

If you want to know about life then  first know about yourself and love yourself.